Another beginning

I asked Caren to move in with me last week.

I've been back-and-forth with this decision for some time now but, in the end, knew that the only way I'd know if this is the relationship for me is to go all in.

It's been six plus years since I lived with anyone because I've also harbored the hope that Liz would come want me again. I watched one relationship wither because of that hope and finally admitted to myself that it will never happen.

Liz came into my office yesterday and, during a long pause in the conversation, tipped her coffee mug at me and timidly said, 'congratulations.' I don't know why, but I looked away and babbled incohertently. I wonder if it bothers her that I'm living with someone as it bothered me when she moved Pam in ... not that it really matters.

So ready or not, I'm fully committed to a woman who unquestionably loves me, who's good to me and who I love, as well.

Is this going to be the one that lasts? I don't know but this is the first big step to answering that question.

Still waters

I've been practicing Buddhism for over a year now. I say 'practicing' because it's a constant challenge to remember the principles of cherishing others ... especially a few.

I mean, really, if I had it all down I'd be a Buddah and that's not likely to happen.

But aside from the teachings, readings and meditation, one simple exercise has helped me deal with the delusions of attachments:

I visualize my mind is a calm body of water ... no ripples and no waves.

Whenever I get rattled by a stressful day or painful memory, I close my eyes and go to this peaceful place and visually still the 'ripples' of my mind.

Now when I'm running by the Trinity River and the water is still, I smile and know what that's like.