The sadness returns

It's been a hard couple of days.

Liz was the onsite editor at the Fort Worth Stock Show. Three weeks of not seeing her on a daily basis was good for me.

But she came back Monday and we continued the avoidance. Then I had to work late Tuesday night for the primaries and I left for several hours in the afternoon to run errands, take care of Zak, etc. When I returned at 8 p.m., she had left me an email. My hands actually shook as I was opening it.

Her niece Marissa had the baby but it isn't great news. The baby was in fetal distress ... apparently he pooped and peed before they could get him out and there is a big concern that he might be blind. He also had a seizure and they aren't sure what the long term ramifications are to that. She also told me she had lunch with my sister, nephew and his wife and that she missed talking to me but hoped things were going well professionally and personally.

My heart broke and I had to close my office door while I sobbed uncontrollably. I love her so deeply and I love her family just as much. I so much want to be there but know I can't.

I've either been on the verge of tears or just flatout crying since Tuesday night and I don't know when this will stop or what it will take. I just have to remember that it's over and nothing, no amount of tears, begging or wanting is going to change that.

I have good friends.
I have a good woman who loves me.
I have a great house. A challenging job.

And that is going to have to be enough for me.