Caren and I have had a less than great two days.
We had a big argument at the boxing match we went to see Thursday night. Guess what about? Liz.
She said she knows when I'm thinking about her.
I pull away.
I'm not as loving.
I told her we talked about this before we started dating. That it was going to take some time to get past my many years with Liz. I told her a 13+ year relationship isn't comparable to a 4-year relationship (like she had) and that it takes time to get over.
She said she's tired of living in her shadow.
We didn't stay together Thursday night. Both of us too mad to want to cozy up to one another. But it started again Friday night.
Once more she started in on 'no one will ever live up to Liz' standards' and 'you don't love me like I love you.' So I snapped.
I told her NEVER to talk to me about Liz. That I was trying harder than I've ever tried to get past this. That no matter how hard she tries, she'll never understand what it takes to get over someone who has been such a big part of your life for such a long time. I told her I liked where we are and if she kept pushing me to feel something I don't feel right now or to 'get over it', she's not going to like the result.
And I meant it. Caren has a long way to go before she's in any position to win me completely over.
She has to finish school
She has to hold a job.
She has to financially contribute to this relationship.
Maybe this is what happens when you're involved with a much younger person.
Maybe this is what happens when you're wanting to give someone something that you've already given another.
We won't see each other until Thursday night or Friday. And I looking forward to the peace.
Relationships. I just don't remember it being this hard.
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1 comment:
i agree.
i don't think it
should be that hard..
especially in the beginning.
it will take a lot of maturity ,
patience and compassion on her part to be able to let you be
where you are emotionally rahther than where she wants you to be.
my best friend's wife died last year
and he just started dating a woman that he cares for a great deal.
she will never replace his wife as the great love of his life.
the only thing that helps the new girlfriend deal with this is the fact that she also lost her husband a few years ago..so she has the same frame of reference.
if you haven't lived through an experience it's very hard to comprehend and accept it..
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