Liz and I went to Zambrano's after work tonight to wash the taste of the day out of our mouths.
We each had two glasses of wine ... I had a Napa Valley Riesling and she had a Napa Valley Pinot Noir. We shared a cheese and meat tray.
We have put boundaries on 'relationship' talk. I don't want to know about hers, and, well, I don't want her to know about mine. But I did open up about something.
I told her I thought she treated me badly last year when we were dating. That I believed she wanted me to feel the way she felt when we separated five years ago, when she loved me so much that would have done anything to get back together with me, and I wouldn't give her a chance.
I know how that feels now and I told her so. I think she's always wanted me to feel that kind of loneliness and helplessness. I don't believe she did it intentionally but I do think she was still angry with me and it just happened. I told her that I forgave her but I'm not sure I have forgiven myself for all of the bad shit I put her through in the course of our relationship.
I don't want to have these kind of talks with Liz every time we're together. Tonight just seemed to be the right time.
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1 comment:
isn't it cool to be able to have that kind of honest conversation?
the anger is behind you..and you can move on to a healthier way of being together...
i admire your ability to look at your own actions .. not everyone can do that.
yay for you!
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