I've re-read the last post about Caren probably 50 times since I wrote it a little over a month ago. And I'd like to say the relationship continues to soar toward the next step in our journey. But I can't.
The truth is I fear we've reached as far as we're going to go. And that's what we've been grappling with for a few weeks now. Both of us.
Caren is still not working. I still carry the financial burden in the relationship and that's not something I'm comfortable doing.
She is loving school and is doing so well. I know one day she'll find her true calling but it's at least a year away. I put too much pressure on her, she says.
I'm sure I do.
You don't look at life the same at 53 as you did at 28. My professional life is reaching the end; hers is trying to start. We find ourselves not having anything to talk about outside of our feelings, which we do so well. Better than I have done with anyone. But her experience pool is shallow; mine is not.
I no longer have the confidence that this is the one for me. But it is the one who has helped me open my heart again, and for that, I will be forever grateful.
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2 comments:
what a gift to have a person in your life help to open your heart again.
loving and letting go...
doesn't it seem like what so much of life is about ?
About two months ago, I started attending a meditation and study group at a local Buddhist temple. Yes, I'm learning very much that loving and letting go is what it's all about. But so is stopping the voices in your head that keeps you from struggling with the loss so your heart can open up to love. It's a beautiful thing.
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