WTF

OK ... this is where I'm glad this is private.

I'm not in love with Liz.
I'm in love with Caren.
It scares the bee-jesus out of me.
And here's why.

27.
51.
Impetuous. Romantic.
Established. Comfortable.
Balls-to-the-wall.
One toe in, one toe out.
Spontaneous.
Careful.

I long for Caren. Ache for her. She is the one I think about 24/7. I see her in everything thing I do. Was working out Thursday morning in the den. Saw her walk, naked, from the bedroom, down the hallway, to the den. Couldn't believe how real it felt.

I love Liz. Always will. No one will ever know me like she does. I will never reveal all of me to anyone else. She was the epitome. My first, true love. My only.

Don't know where to turn. Just know I'm so very tired of being here. Sometimes feel like I'll take a break from both. Don't know what to do.